Feb 13, 2008

Lose 40 pounds in weeks !! Guaranteed!


I will tell you here, step by step, how you can lose 40 pounds in a few weeks and keep it off!


My weight loss began with a craving. I had a craving for Jello. I didn’t care if it was red or yellow or green, so long as it was Jello. I devoured nothing but Jello for an entire week. After that, I discovered, to my surprise, that my stomach had shrunk such that I could not eat as much as I could before the Jello rampage. My portions shrank dramatically. I’d eat maybe half of what was put on my plate after that. (But, I still ate all the Jello.)

In a matter of weeks, the pounds had melted away. I discovered that I had lost an amazing 40 pounds.

But there is an additional step you must take in order to make this diet work.

You have to agree to allow someone with a gleam in his eye and a sharp, glistening blade in his hand, rip open your chest and play with your heart, then live in a hospital for nearly a month eating the most tasteless food ever cooked.

Now, let me take my tongue from my cheek a moment. There are tens of thousands of Americans who are going to lose weight exactly like I did. They will take the same steps because they are doing the same things I did to reach that Mandatory Diet Program. They are committing suicide one bite at a time. One bite doesn’t seem like it will hurt, and it doesn’t seem to have any immediate effects. But, over the years, the damage begins to accumulate in the heart and the arteries. And suddenly, you wake up on a gurney rolling down a hall with some guy walking alongside you making small talk you will not remember later.

Pat O'Brien, a host on Inside Edition, was recently in the news because of an addiction to alcohol that brought him into rehab. There are millions of Americans who have an alcohol addition (over 23 million according to the National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers). But, Americans' addiction to bad food is far worse than alcohol. The addiction to sweets, greasy and salty foods and pop, affects most Americans. We begin that battle as children and often, by the time we’re adults, we’ve lost the war. We’re addicted, not to apples and squash and beans, but to bacon and fries and pizza and coffee and a host of other such things.

We’re literally eating ourselves into the hospitals (unfortunately, also into the morgue) by the millions.

Surely there’s a better way to lose weight than letting some guy with a bunch of initials behind his name and a sharp blade in his hand slice open your chest and rummage around there playing with valves and tiny arteries. And the bill you get could buy a life-time supply of healthy meals delivered to your door by a valet who will park the meal on your table and do the dishes afterwards.

Some of us are fortunate. We take the journey into the hospital and undergo the surgery. We even lose weight. But, far too many are losing much more than 40 pounds.

They get down to skin and bones.

Mostly bones.

(Click on the link for a detailed narrative of the author's experience with open heart surgery.)


3 comments:

gloves said...

Tough way to lose weight. It gets so embedded by the time we are adults that it is a monumental effort to try to eat right.

San

Daniel James Devine said...

So how do young guys like myself avoid the artery jam? I suppose eat the right things, not too much of it, and jog regularly?

Meanwhile, I've been looking for a weight gaining diet.

Voyle Glover said...

Dan'l, you have to mix some cream cheese into your Jello.